||[Oct. 21st, 2003|09:46 pm]
He's telling me to do something about the boy. Idiot. As if I could. I raised the boy. I don't dictate his entire life. And I can hardly blame him for wanting to part ways with us. Pity I cannot join him. Lucius fails to see that he himself is probably at fault. The man's indecent. He's squandering what wealth we have on saving our reputation. His reputation. My reputation is beyond questioning. If only he had stayed in prison. I could have remained untouched by the Ministry out of sheer sympathy, and lived my life with some semblance of peace. My darling Draco would still be home, and wouldn't have been chased off to that filth-ridden city. Not that I blame Draco. He wanted to get as far from his father as possible. It's Lucius's fault that our son is living in a seedy environment surrounded by bad influence. Reading Muggle literature! I admit that I, too, was curious in my youth as to what they could possibly be writing ... but to flaunt the books out on shelves for anyone to see? Shameless! You'd think he'd at least bother to hide them from his own mother ...
Lucius drove him to that. I know it. And he asks me why the boy left. Why the boy won't take a wife. A wealthy wife. Merlin knows we need the money. The ties. We're selling the property in France, now, leaving us without a vacation home. It will just be me and Lucius in this house for the rest of our lives. Until death.
However, Draco won't marry. And it's because of Lucius, of course. He's loathe to pass on the name of a man like Lucius Malfoy. A gutless worm who hasn't the decency to even do so little as to die valiantly for his family's sake. Then we'd be taken care of. No, no. He gambles. He tortures the help. He plays the doting golden goose to that disgusting Minister... And he moans about what a failure his son is. Our son may have been right to leave while he could. Although, I don't know how permanent his leaving will be. What money he had must be going quickly, and Lucius has nearly spent what inheritance he'd hope to get.
I, myself, am tied to Lucius. Inextricably bound by laws of state. I cannot leave, even during the times when I hate him. I can only pray that death comes before the fortune is entirely gone, as I refuse to live in squalor.